quo vadis - where will the road lead you

People always say that life is easier when you have a goal to work towards. I don't think this is wrong but at the same time, I also don't think it is completely true. In a way.

Like, I honestly can't say that I have a real goal in life right now. I have little stepping stones, milestones but the road that lies ahead leads into the unknown (okay sorry if you got the song stuck in your head now). None of the 'typical' goals really appeal or apply to me: getting married (muh), starting a family (meh), buying a house (mmh), having a lot of money (pfft), get a job you like (yaah)...

On some days, it's hard to keep going, knowing that you're just...walking further and further into a sheer endless expanse of NOTHING and on other days, it feels like you're free. Weird, isn't it?

I'm not sure whether it is because of the pandemic but I kinda stopped thinking about the long haul. It's like the YOLO mentality has finally taken a hold of me. Carpe Diem and all that jazz. You never know when things might be over. So I've been focusing more on stuff I love and gotten immersed in it. I'm spending more money than I would have before to enjoy the here and now rather than saving it in order to enjoy a future I don't even know whether or not I will have.

Maybe that's also one of the reasons why I've made peace with the whole pandemic situation.

Although I think I started to change before the pandemic hit. It had to do with my health, though. I got really really sick last year in GW I think (time...what a concept) and I fell off the face of earth a bit because whee hospital. I'd felt miserable for weeks and just dragged it on until the holidays and basically just collapsed at the local hospital. Got meds, slept for almost 24 hours straight and then gradually got better. Went back home to recuperate and then tackled my mental health.

It was then that I was able to make one of my long time dreams come true. I got more involved in Tokusatsu shows. I got to appear in a few episodes (and my face, not just my butt, made it onto the big screen unexpectedly at the beginning of this year!). I also got to meet my favourite director and producer.

And if all goes well (and I hope so) I will make another big dream come true at the end of November. It will come with a bittersweet taste but I am looking forward to it nevertheless. I will talk more about it once the time comes, so stay tuned.

So yeah... I've been doing stuff I've put off or just dreamed of. I've become a bit more hopeful and also a bit more proactive in a sense. I guess I'd say "I'm trying" to a lot of things.

And I will keep trying because that's all I can do.