venting

aka "Whiny Post - Part 2".

I feel like all I do these days is to whine about something. Maybe it's that time of the month or even year when adulting just becomes...hard. I guess it's because I'm the baby in the family and have been spoiled? Or maybe I am just not growing up and still stuck with the way of thinking of a whiny teenager.

Ah no self, stop. Don't get into that self-degrading spiral. It won't do you any good.

But yeah I feel like such an idiot whining about fandom things and work. It seems so immature and yet here I am, dedicating an entire blog post to it. The reason is to just get it out of my system, I guess. Hopefully that will help and let me move forward. Somehow.

I guess I'm so whiny because this is a situation I wasn't quite prepared for. Having to work on Sundays really screwed me over for a lot of things. I know we're in the middle of a pandemic and having fun seems to be a bit of a taboo and y'know celebrating birthdays is not gonna happen this year anymore but still, after having had to either work or study on my birthday for the last couple of years, I was looking forward to not having to do so this year and to possibly spend it with my BQT boys.

BUT... I have to work. It's the second to last Sunday I have to work and I cannot take it off because the other Sunday teacher took it off already because he's taking the JLPT that day. The only tiny silver lining here might be that I'll ask on the 29th to get some contact info so that I can get someone to pick me up for the BQT event as I get there late and doors will be locked ... but even if I only get to see them during cheki time, it'll still be a nice birthday present to myself. It'll also be their first fan event after officially becoming 4 members.

SIGH

Okay now that that's out of my system, things don't look super bleak anymore. I'm still missing out on other stuff because of work on Sundays but... I will deal with that somehow. Here's hoping things don't take too much of a mental toll on me and the NEXT work assignment will be okay, too (fingers crossed... but since it'll just be about 2 weeks before winter vacation, I doubt I'll get sent TOO far?! I just know that by saying that here I'll totally jinx myself and I'll end up going to who knows where).

As long as... I can take the 20th off. That one might be even more important than my birthday. I'll deal with working full time over and on Christmas (because, Japan) and not being able to see my family this year or even talk to them on the holidays ...

On that note...

There will be a press conference tonight about the situation in Japan. Nobody really expects another state of emergency but as much as I dislike online lessons, with my current schedule at this school I'd be cool with it. As long as I get to do it from home and not have to commute to school because ugh far.

But yeah... even with cases rising again, I feel like people have gotten less careful. There are so many people without masks out these days, there's so much coughing and sneezing going on around you on the trains or in the shops or on the streets (...or students...) and it's making me NERVOUS to say the least. I know the economy the economy wah wah wah but y'know how about PEOPLE?

I also know Tokyo's broke and we can't do more stimulus etc etc but we also cannot go back to 'normal' either. I mean, I appreciate the sense of normalcy we've had just like everyone else but I'm also worried about whether or not that was a good idea or too soon or just... too dumb?

Hearing about the 2nd lockdowns back home it just makes me wonder once again.

Everyone is trying to 'go back to normal' or to at least go back to something semi-normal...to 'with corona' as they call it here. And...idk will we ever go back to 'normal' again? I can't see most of this changing until maybe he end of next year or maybe longer. I mean, the vaccines will help but will they fix things? I doubt it. I think it will be like with influenza, it will be with us for the long run.

And that's scary.

Okay.

That's all I needed to get off my chest.