whiny post ahead

As the title says, I'm gonna be really whiny in this post. You can slap or kick me for it but I kind of just have to get it out of my system. A lot of this is hormone induced. My PMS induced hormonal mood swings (and other hormone induced shit that goes down) are really terrible and my GYN can't quite figure things out - my results don't look terrible, they're weird but not weird enough I guess.

 So uh I'll be whining about PMS, hormones, my body...

AND then work.

So yeah, lots of whining. You have been warned.

Yeah okay so my period's always sucked a lot. It runs in the family.

To put it simply, my body produces too much testosterone, which apparently makes things worse lol

My ovaries also have some kind of weird anomaly where they produce "empty" eggs, so just little bubbles that don't have anything in them. Those bubbles then cluster around my ovaries, making them look like little grapes or raspberries... sounds cute but here's the catch. When the hormone levels go funky because of the ovulation and then the period, those bubbles POP. Which causes my cramps to be err let's say really unpleasant (okay, I am on pain medication that is stronger than what I had to take when I got my wisdom teeth pulled... Japan doesn't even sell this amount in one pill...)

Let's just say when things get bad (it's not always excruciatingly painful, it depends on the amount of bubbles, which varies every month because of... WHO KNOWS. WHY BODY WHY ahem) they get bad. Like, "I can't feel the lower half of my body" bad because I'm in too much pain.

Blerf.

Other side effects, my immune system always goes to shit before my period and my appetite yo-yos like crazy, going from "ugh I don't want to eat anything" to "omg eat ALL THE STUFF".

Another bad side effect, although this has not been proven in any tests...but all the doctor's suspect it... was a heart-attack I had a few years back. Oh yeah, I had a heart-attack. I might have told some of you but uh here you go. I was in my late 20s and at that the time it happened, I had no idea what it was.

I was in the final stretches of my period and I was doing some workout at home (I was still living with my parents then). Suddenly I just feel... weird. I stop exercising and the last thing I manage to do is to drag myself over to the dinner table. My mum was in the kitchen. She noticed something seemed wrong. She came over to where I was and that's pretty much the last thing I remember clearly apart from her HOLLERING for my dad the next moment saying I was gonna pass out.

So yeah I passed out and the next thing I knew was that I was lying on the sofa, my mum is frantically doing something (she's a trained nurse, back then with over 45 years of experience) and my dad's looking very concerned. My mum's glad that I'm regaining consciousness and my dad sighs and says my colour is looking better, too. My blood sugar levels look okay, my mum announces (she has diabetes, so we have lots of stuff at home) but she's dragging me to the doctor because this was weird.

We go to the doctor and tell him about what happened and he suggests we do an ECG.

When the doctor and my mum huddle (he's her former student, my mum was a nurse at the university hospital and she was very involved in training many of the doctors who practice in and outside the hospital in my hometown)... let's just say I could feel something was wrong.

The doctor goes, "Kira, if you were your mother's age, I wouldn't really say much... just 'oh hey, you had a heart attack. that's normal at your age' ... but you're not your mother's age. You're young. You just had a heart attack. We need to look into this more."

I got sent to a specialist then (cardiologist, again Kiramama approved)... and after a series of tests, we come up with nothing. The doctors huddle again - mum included - and we come to the conclusion that maybe it was just an unfortunate series of events and conditions that came together. Hormones, some remnants of a light cold, the exercise, ...

That's when I stopped drinking alcohol - for the most part. I still drink a little here and there but I usually choose not to drink. Doctor's recommendation.

Meh.

Oh and don't get me started on how weird my body is. I could probably talk for hours about how many allergies I have. Let's just say that I did the allergy test at the ENT clinic (where they prick your arms with different allergens...) and when the doctor walked into the room and saw my arms he just went "HOLY SHIT" and called for the nurse to give me an antihistamine RIGHT NOW and put something on the arms because... yeah. I have pictures but I shall not post them here because ahahaha not pretty.

BUT there was something positive here, too.

I learned about new therapies. And thanks to one of those therapies, LO AND BEHOLD, I was able to eat strawberries without dying for the first time in 27 years. You don't know how good that felt. I still can't eat ALL types of strawberries but I can eat some. That's more than I was ever able to before in my life.

Lastly, let me whine about work.

I usually don't mind working. I like my work. But ugh they just HAD to switch up my schedule for the next month out of all things. I had stuff planned for some of the Sundays and I had to cancel everything except that ONE DAY because... that one day is super important.

I might be exaggerating but I would have probably told them I'd quit if I couldn't take that ONE day off.

We'll see how my mental health will fare because the new schedule doesn't allow me to have ANY social life WHATSOEVER for at least a month... ugh.

Okay. End of whining.